>It fascinates me how I can be so sad and broken-hearted over the loss of a relationship and yet so full of the joy of the Lord at the same time. 
As I greeted friends and fellow worshippers at church last night I was serving the Lord.  I know He wants my life to be joyous and I can feel His joy inside me.  As I sang and worshipped and lifted my hands to Him I could feel His peace and joy bubbling up inside of me, alongside of the pain and loneliness that has taken deep root inside my heart. 

As I drove home from Stockton the past 2 days I was so exhausted I almost fell asleep behind the wheel (multiple times).  I thought that if I crashed and died I would be going home to Jesus and there would be no more pain.  But a crash would not be a guarantee of death and Jesus obviously isn’t finished with me yet.  My Lakeside friends are the only ones who act as if they love me and care for me and I was willing to give them all up for a man.  I must be crazy and/or pathetic or very deeply in love.  I give up, Lord, this is all too much for me.


About Go Send or Disobey

John Piper said it succiently... "Go, send, or disobey." This is my journey along path to be a missionary of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
This entry was posted in Hope, Love and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s