>I’ve spent most of the last three days blogging on a seperate blog about my past. I wanted to examine my “family of origin” and determine why I make such bad choices in my life. I wrote about my childhood all the way through my latest relationship with Wayne. One thing I learned from what I wrote and from what I left out is that my family is very toxic to me, extremely toxic! I grew up being verbally and emotionally abused. I was beaten and ridiculed. Even today my mother and my children treat me with disrespect and they put me down at every opportunity they can. I am not sure my mother realizes she treats me that way but I know my children do. My mother treats me the way she was treated as she was growing up. I don’t think I treated my children that way but I do think they learned to treat me the way they saw others treat me. Moving out of my son’s apartment will be the best thing I have ever done for myself. I need to learn to value myself before I kill myself.
In addition, almost every relationship that I have ever had in my life has been toxic. So much so that I do not know how to behave when I get into a healthy relationship. I guess I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I don’t do healthy relationships and I don’t want another toxic one.