>If you read my posts about my trip to Mexico it sounds like it was a very secular trip. I made very little mention of the spiritual side of the trip other than morning devotions and Eddie and Brandon’s messages in the morning. And I know I even made Brandon’s sound like a commercial interruption. That really isn’t the case. Right after breakfast on Friday and Saturday mornings we all filed into the big meeting room upstairs and had a time of worship. Eddie gives us a hard time about paying attention to the lyrics we are singing but he does join in with us. Ever since he started doing that I have been paying attention. If you sing, “break my heart for what breaks yours” to Jesus you better mean it. In my opinion, worship is prayer set to music. It is a conversation with God and you shouldn’t sing something you don’t mean.
Our days in Mexico are filled with prayer. We pray as we get to the site, we pray once we meet the families and are ready to build, we pray before our lunch and we pray with the families as we close our time with them. Some of these prayers are quite touching. I remember one build where we were all sobbing before the end. Sometimes the families pray with us, sometimes they pray for us. It is always a very special time.
Eddie’s main purpose for Mexico Caravan Ministries is, surprisingly enough, not home building. He says, and I know he’s right, that these homes will get built with or without MCM. Eddie runs MCM to introduce people to missions and to get them passionate about missions. The student interns that serve at MCM usually end up going into long term overseas missions. Quite often when we are down there we hear of a staff member’s plans and choose to support them in their plans. There is a ministry that Eddie works with a lot and several staff members have gone there. This ministry is called New Tribes and they have a school back east somewhere. That is the ministry the Buser family all trained for missions with and who now supports the Busers in Papua New Guinea (administrative support). I know of at least one former staff member who is going to school at their college and a couple more who are applying.
One of the staff, a young man who looks as if he would be more interested in surfing than missionary work is planning to study endangered animals in his target country. This is a closed country and the only way to be a missionary there is to be invited because you have a skill set needed by that country. This particular country has several endangered species of animals. Here is a young kid, barely in his 20’s, who is willing to risk his life preaching the Good News in a Muslim country. His passion for Christ overwhelms me. His strength and trust in Jesus is amazing. I am shamed by my lack of motivation when I was his age. I knew I wanted to be a missionary, I just listened to people who told me that a single woman could not be a missionary. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, no use crying over the past, it’s the future I need to work on…
I returned from Mexico exhausted, physically and emotionally. I usually call my trips to Mexico my “attitude adjustment trips” because I return refreshed, renewed and recommitted to doing the Lord’s work. I was feeling as if this trip, due to circumstances before the trip, did not refresh, renew or recommit me. I have been feeling like I am in the middle of a nervous breakdown. I have been under a great deal of stress and barely sleeping even at home in my own bed. Let’s see, what could be contributing to that? Peri-menopause? the end of my relationship with Wayne? living with and finally moving away from my son? Those are all good candidates. I tried going out on a date on Tuesday after my return. I want to get over Wayne so I thought jumping into dating again was the answer. No, that only made me feel worse. I behaved terribly on that date. I shamed myself. Fortunately, I had a ticket for the Women of Faith conference on Friday and Saturday at the Arco Arena. My best friend, her daughter and I spent two entire days there. I listened to the speakers and bought a few books. My friend told me I needed to take 18 months off from dating to grieve the loss of my relationship with Wayne. (18 months? really?) Okay Lord, if You say so.
On Sunday I slept in till almost 1 in the afternoon. Then I got up, cooked a pan of lasagna for the office pot luck and another for the house. Then I went upstairs and started unpacking boxes and hanging pictures. I sorted through a lot of junk and started hanging pictures. Here’s some pictures of my room I took this morning…
Please excuse my unmade bed. I just wanted to show how my home is beginning to turn into a sanctuary for me. A place where I can spend time with the Lord and be relaxed and at peace. The table and chairs in the corner is where I paint. I was painting yesterday evening and early this morning. My painting is a gift from the Lord. He and I have many conversations as I put brush to paper and these last couple of days have been no exception. Several of the pictures and paintings on the walls are my work, or I should say, the Lord’s work, as I believe He flows through my brushes as I paint.
I was feeling as if my attitude hadn’t been adjusted on my trip to Mexico. Now I know that I wasn’t paying attention. God has been speaking to me, I just have had too much noise in my head to hear what He was trying to say. Through the speakers over the weekend, the new books I purchased and spending time with Him I have been filled with His love and peace. Everytime I have done this in the past disaster has fallen on my life so I realize I am inviting disaster again but I am rededicating my life to the Lord. It is His to do with as He pleases. If I am to take these 18 months off from dating, I will. If I am to remain single for the rest of my life, I will. If I am to return to school to pursue my degree, I will. I promise to listen to the Lord to the best of my ability and live my life for Him.
O Lord, please guide my steps and my life, guide my will and my thoughts. Show me, O Lord, the path you desire for me to walk. Please forgive my sins and help me to renew my relationship with You. I ask this in the name of Your son, Jesus, who came and died for me so that I might be reconciled with You. Amen