It’s been a really long time. Much has happened, some good, some bad, some really ugly. Fortunately God is still working on me.
I had a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year, even harder than last year. For some reason I miss my dad more this year than last. So when I had an upload of Christmas cheer yesterday morning it was welcome.
I was driving to work yesterday morning, in a pretty good mood since I only had to work a half day. Since it was Christmas Eve and I was trying to drag myself into some Christmas spirit I was wearing my snowflake jewelry and sweater. I decided to stop at Dutch Brothers for a latte and am glad I did because it started the boost I needed into Christmas Cheer. The girls who waited on me were so happy and we smiled together over my snowflakes.
Resuming my drive to work, I was stopped at a red light and singing Christmas Carols along with the radio. A pickup truck came from the left and turned down my path right in front of me. In the bed of his truck were several of those posts for real estate signs, the ones that look sorta like lopsided crosses, and they really reminded me of crosses yesterday. So here I was, driving down the street behind a truck full of “crosses” singing about having joy because Christ was born. Then it struck me. Jesus was born for the express purpose of dying on the cross for my sins. His words and actions while He was here are important but the sole purpose of His birth was His death. I was crushed with the shame and filled with regret that my actions and behavior put our savior on that cross. My remorse was huge, filling me almost to the point of overflowing. Then I remembered that His death was for the forgiveness of those sins. And I was filled with gratitude, deep gratitude. And once the gratitude sank in it was transformed even further by the knowledge that Jesus did that for me, graciously and lovingly because of His deep love for me. And that is how I found my Christmas Spirit yesterday: where most people think there is no joy to be found, in the cross.
May your holiday be joyous and filled with His everlasting peace.